Random thoughts, rants and reflections

Ok! Think it's time to blog about some things that have been on my mind the past 2-3 weeks. It's been quite an exciting time hearing God's word about what i'm gonna do after my final semester. Things are finally clear now... I've decided to go on a 1 year stint (short-term internship) with Campus Crusade from next year onwards with a view to full-time.

The about-turn
Just 3 weeks ago, i believed that i've already made up my mind about my plans after graduation - that i was going to find a regular job (probably with some IT company) and start supporting my family. My dad passed away 5 years back, and as the only son, i strongly felt that this was the decent thing that i could do for my mum. As a result, i've always consciously denied all thoughts about the possibility of going into full-time ministry. Even stint felt like a distant possibility, though i was still willing to consider it. Finance was the uppermost thought on my mind, and i wasn't prepared to risk the financial circumstance of my family on the 'lottery' of raising support, cos i wasn't even sure about whether i could even raise half of the required amount.

However, i guess i still have the passion for serving God in the music ministry, something that i've always held on to. And 3 weeks back, i was faced with the question of what would i rather be doing if money wasn't an object. It was a question that stirred my heart immediately. Almost at once, i felt prompted to reconsider my earlier decision for a secular job. So over the next 14 days or so, i had a great time discovering God's word for me in this situation.


Reasons for confidence
Firstly, God dealt with my foremost concern - Family finance. In one of my quiet times, I got a strong reminder that God Himself is the ultimate source of providence. Whether i was going for a regular paycheck in a secular job or into ministry by raising support, He alone is the provider of my finances. This truth was further enforced in Luke 5:1-11 where Jesus instructed the first disciples to go catch fish - all this after a fruitless (or fishless) night. The result was that the number of fishes caught was so large that the boats began to sink (verse 7). It definitely wasn't through the ablity of the experienced fishermen, they caught no fishes despite toiling the night before. This passage thus brought home the message that it is God who ultimately meets the needs of His people, and that my concerns are also His.

Second, on the first sunday after reading Luke 5, further confirmation was given to me in the verse 1Chronicles 28:20 "Be strong and courageous, for the Lord God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the Lord is finished." This quelled any apprehension I had about going into full time, and I knew instantly that this was God's call for me. Everything became clear as daylight all at once, there was only one choice to make, and it requires only obedience.

The last hurdle I had to clear was parental consent. I had to have the consent and the blessings of my mum if I were to go into full-time. The initial reaction that I got when i first told her about the possibility of stinting wasn't that of enthusiasm. I guess she had always expected me to go for the regular job. But just on monday this week she finally gave the go-ahead. And now all roads lead to full-time. =)


Counting the costs
I've thought long and hard about the consequences of going into full-time ministry. I know it's going to draw criticisms from certain quarters, that possessing a degree, i should not let it 'go to waste'. Also, more critically for me, I know that perhaps i might never get back to the same standard of life as when my dad was still alive. All the dreams I had about driving expensive cars and living the high life gotta be put aside now. But knowing all these, i have confidence that God never short-changes his servants. The little that I lose will be replaced by much more.


Concluding....
Surprisingly, i find that this (going into full-time) has been the easiest decision to make - once i had my issues settled with God. It sure feels silly that for so long (1-2 years) I've been consistently denying the desire in my heart, and in doing so, muddle everything that God has been trying to say. Now that I'm sure where i'm going, next up will be to clear the interviews with Forerunner (will be going for interview on the 19th this month) and to also start praying about support-raising. At this juncture, i'd like to invite all christian friends of mine to pray along with me as i prepare to close the current chapter of my life and move on to the next lap.

Some prayer requests:
1. Increased grace and faith as I enter into the critical exam period in ntu this month and next.
2. For God's call to remain clear in my life.
3. To clear the interviews =)